I'm an idiot. Oh, so cocky in my post on Friday wasn't I? Well, I went to the party, I saw the bar, it conquered me. Huge. What was I thinking?
You see, I don't really drink anymore. Oh, I'm up for a few wobbly pops when I'm with friends, but I don't "drink" anymore. Well, I did on Friday. A lot. Didn't do a striptease on the buffet table, didn't vomit in the punch bowl, but the repercussions of an evening like that are felt more the next morning, when wee girl woke up ready and raring to go. Oy vey.
I'm too old for this nonsense. I now vividly remember why it is I don't drink anymore. And I swear, this time it's true - I'll never drink that much again!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Free Booze!
Tonight is our company Christmas party. It's been awhile since I've worked for a company that cared enough about employee morale to throw a party and offer up the opportunity for socializing with that guy you hate in Accounting outside of office hours. Mark me down as officially excited. Except about that Accounting guy, but whatever - perhaps we'll bound over tequila shots.
Which leads me to the age-old advice: don't get drunk at the company Christmas party! I'm sure you've heard it all - it might be career-limiting, you might commit a firing-worthy offence (like this chick - check it out) My response to you? Bring it on!
You see, I'm old. I'm old enough to know better, and I have age and experience on my side. If I got hammered tonight really, what's the worse thing that can happen? I'm old enough to know that no matter how drunk I get, I won't perform a strip tease on the buffet table. It hasn't happened to date, so odds are it won't happen tonight. I won't start a cat fight with the CEO's wife - I don't start fights when I'm drinking. I'm not a puker, so there will be no vomiting in the punch bowl. I have age and experience on my side. And it's an open bar. Game on.....
Which leads me to the age-old advice: don't get drunk at the company Christmas party! I'm sure you've heard it all - it might be career-limiting, you might commit a firing-worthy offence (like this chick - check it out) My response to you? Bring it on!
You see, I'm old. I'm old enough to know better, and I have age and experience on my side. If I got hammered tonight really, what's the worse thing that can happen? I'm old enough to know that no matter how drunk I get, I won't perform a strip tease on the buffet table. It hasn't happened to date, so odds are it won't happen tonight. I won't start a cat fight with the CEO's wife - I don't start fights when I'm drinking. I'm not a puker, so there will be no vomiting in the punch bowl. I have age and experience on my side. And it's an open bar. Game on.....
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Lazy Saturday
It's 4pm, and I'm still in my pyjamas. I love this. You can't do this in the summer. In the summer, the pressure is on to maximize the good weather and "get things done". But now that the weather is cooling, small child and I are bundled in our fleecy jammies, the woodstove is on, we've got one nap under our belt, and all is good with the world.
The enormous bucket of Hallowe'en candy is just icing on the cake. Heck, I have MONTHS before I'll be seen in a bathing suit. And curling is on tv.
Heaven....
The enormous bucket of Hallowe'en candy is just icing on the cake. Heck, I have MONTHS before I'll be seen in a bathing suit. And curling is on tv.
Heaven....
Friday, October 15, 2010
Passive-Aggresive BS
This post is somewhat ironic, because I came here to bitch about passive-aggressive behaviour via the most passive-aggressive forum known to mankind - the Blog.
Blogs are the perfect fodder for Passive-Aggressive people. The internet is full of the ravings of angry (*cough* bitchy *cough*) people who like to complain rather than confront. This realization has taken the edge off of the irrirtation I feel at being confronted by this type of person. I'm actually kinda laughing right now.
The blog - free therapy for the bitchy amongst us. Well, that and Facebook status updates. That is a bitch session for another day.
Blogs are the perfect fodder for Passive-Aggressive people. The internet is full of the ravings of angry (*cough* bitchy *cough*) people who like to complain rather than confront. This realization has taken the edge off of the irrirtation I feel at being confronted by this type of person. I'm actually kinda laughing right now.
The blog - free therapy for the bitchy amongst us. Well, that and Facebook status updates. That is a bitch session for another day.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Oom Pah Pah
Is there anything better than an Oom Pah Pah band? I don’t think so, unless it’s an Oom Pah Pah band and a large tent full of people all drinking beer and doing the polka! Yes folks, it’s time for Oktoberfest! And to celebrate, I’m heading to Kitchener-Waterloo for the biggest and best Oktoberfest outside of Munich. My locale of choice? The Concordia Club, of course!
I just did the math, and I have been going to Family Day at the Concordia Club on Thanksgiving Sunday for the last 24 years. Not only does that make me very, very old, it makes me very, very predictable.
Oh sure, there have been a few years that I’ve missed, for one reason or another (living on the other side of the continent for 6+ years did somewhat affect my attendance), but it’s still a constant in my life, as are the friends that have this has a tradition as well. While new friends are always welcome and encouraged, it’s great to know that there are certain people you are bound to see at least once a year. And their parents. And their children, all now adorably clad in wee leiderhosen.
The experience has changed over the years. In University, the coal was to get there early, stay there late, and drink as much as humanely possible. I believe these antics are part of the reason the Concordia Club now closes its doors at 7pm on this infamous day (I’m not sure what time they closed previously – I rarely made it past midnight, although that was still an impressive 12 hour span). There are fewer drunk people there now; it’s much more family-oriented. Which fits perfectly for me and my young family. My daughter already appreciates the accordion far more than I did at her age, and can dance a mean polka.
But I plan on raising quite a few glasses with my friends to toast this ongoing and wonderful occasion. Prosit!
I just did the math, and I have been going to Family Day at the Concordia Club on Thanksgiving Sunday for the last 24 years. Not only does that make me very, very old, it makes me very, very predictable.
Oh sure, there have been a few years that I’ve missed, for one reason or another (living on the other side of the continent for 6+ years did somewhat affect my attendance), but it’s still a constant in my life, as are the friends that have this has a tradition as well. While new friends are always welcome and encouraged, it’s great to know that there are certain people you are bound to see at least once a year. And their parents. And their children, all now adorably clad in wee leiderhosen.
The experience has changed over the years. In University, the coal was to get there early, stay there late, and drink as much as humanely possible. I believe these antics are part of the reason the Concordia Club now closes its doors at 7pm on this infamous day (I’m not sure what time they closed previously – I rarely made it past midnight, although that was still an impressive 12 hour span). There are fewer drunk people there now; it’s much more family-oriented. Which fits perfectly for me and my young family. My daughter already appreciates the accordion far more than I did at her age, and can dance a mean polka.
But I plan on raising quite a few glasses with my friends to toast this ongoing and wonderful occasion. Prosit!
Monday, September 27, 2010
So retarded...
I hate the word “retarded” when it’s used to insult someone.
In this age of political correctness, I know people are tired of all these “special interest groups” who insist on exchanging common word usage for PC lingo: He’s not a ‘janitor’, he’s a ‘sanitation engineer’. She’s not ‘chairman of the board’, she’s ‘chairperson of the board’. Ugh. I hate it too, I really do
But I draw the line at calling someone retarded. Because retarded is actually a medical diagnosis. My sister is mentally retarded, as a result of cerebral palsy. So when I hear people tossing out the phrase “Oh, he’s retarded” as an insult, it gets my back up. My sister IS retarded.... so just what are you saying when you use it as an insult? I try not to let it get to me, but it does. Seriously, there are so many excellent insults out there..... why take the easy way out and use a word that can cause so much pain to so many? Here’s just a few:
• His elevator doesn't reach the top floor
• He checked out of Hotel Brainy years ago
• If he was any more stupid he would photosynthesise in sunlight
• He's ten cents short of a dollar
• She's a macaroni salad short of a picnic
• He's got a rip in his marbles bag
• She hasn't got both hands on the steering wheel
• When you look in his eyes you can see that there is no one driving
• Lights on, door open, no one at home
I could go on and on.
The double-standard here is I use the words “crazy” and “psycho” to insult people. And that must hurt people who suffer from mental issues just as much as retarded hurts me. I’m working on it. I hope you do too.
In this age of political correctness, I know people are tired of all these “special interest groups” who insist on exchanging common word usage for PC lingo: He’s not a ‘janitor’, he’s a ‘sanitation engineer’. She’s not ‘chairman of the board’, she’s ‘chairperson of the board’. Ugh. I hate it too, I really do
But I draw the line at calling someone retarded. Because retarded is actually a medical diagnosis. My sister is mentally retarded, as a result of cerebral palsy. So when I hear people tossing out the phrase “Oh, he’s retarded” as an insult, it gets my back up. My sister IS retarded.... so just what are you saying when you use it as an insult? I try not to let it get to me, but it does. Seriously, there are so many excellent insults out there..... why take the easy way out and use a word that can cause so much pain to so many? Here’s just a few:
• His elevator doesn't reach the top floor
• He checked out of Hotel Brainy years ago
• If he was any more stupid he would photosynthesise in sunlight
• He's ten cents short of a dollar
• She's a macaroni salad short of a picnic
• He's got a rip in his marbles bag
• She hasn't got both hands on the steering wheel
• When you look in his eyes you can see that there is no one driving
• Lights on, door open, no one at home
I could go on and on.
The double-standard here is I use the words “crazy” and “psycho” to insult people. And that must hurt people who suffer from mental issues just as much as retarded hurts me. I’m working on it. I hope you do too.
Monday, September 13, 2010
What Happens in Vegas......
Well, after months and months and months, it’s finally here. I’m going to Vegas this week!
It’s an extra special trip, because not only will I be relaxing poolside with margaritas, playing Blackjack at night and generally having a good time sans child, I’ll be doing it with 5 of my most favourite people who I’ve never met (ok, I met one of them once for an hour at a McDonalds in Florida, but that was not nearly enough time).
You see, I’ve got a group of ladies I met online when we were all pregnant with a May 2007 baby. And somehow, a large number of us have managed to stay together, through the ups and downs of “real” life. These ladies have literally saved my sanity, helped me raise an awesome child, listened to me when I was down, cheered along with me when I was up, and basically been there no matter what.
No question or comment about poop, vomit, sore breasts, stretch marks, losing weight (moms), gaining weight (children), ridiculous outfits, appropriate restaurant etiquette and insane MILs is ever greeted with anything other than sympathy/laughter/wisdom.
The only bad thing about this trip is how many of us couldn’t make it.
Love you all!!!
It’s an extra special trip, because not only will I be relaxing poolside with margaritas, playing Blackjack at night and generally having a good time sans child, I’ll be doing it with 5 of my most favourite people who I’ve never met (ok, I met one of them once for an hour at a McDonalds in Florida, but that was not nearly enough time).
You see, I’ve got a group of ladies I met online when we were all pregnant with a May 2007 baby. And somehow, a large number of us have managed to stay together, through the ups and downs of “real” life. These ladies have literally saved my sanity, helped me raise an awesome child, listened to me when I was down, cheered along with me when I was up, and basically been there no matter what.
No question or comment about poop, vomit, sore breasts, stretch marks, losing weight (moms), gaining weight (children), ridiculous outfits, appropriate restaurant etiquette and insane MILs is ever greeted with anything other than sympathy/laughter/wisdom.
The only bad thing about this trip is how many of us couldn’t make it.
Love you all!!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Long Weekend!
Hooray! I hope everyone has an amazing one! I took a long weekend last weekend and got some glorious cottage weather! With the forecast for this weekend in hand, I'm planning on a lot of indoor stuff: cleaning, laundry and computer work.
Life seems so much sweeter with an extra day to work, although not go to work.
Everyone be safe and have fun!
Life seems so much sweeter with an extra day to work, although not go to work.
Everyone be safe and have fun!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
A Pox on You
I never seem to run out of topics to bitch about, but I do run out of time. I initially thought I’d be blogging on a daily (if not hourly!) basis, but my reality is, I’m busy. Maybe it’s because it’s summertime, and I’m filling every spare moment with some fun activity. Or perhaps I’m just lazy. A. would vote for the latter, I’m sure.
Speaking of A., you have to feel badly for the poor guy. For whatever reason, that man seems to catch every single disease that goes around daycare. Even diseases that R. herself doesn’t catch! He’s had Hand, Foot and Mouth, Pink Eye, Roseola, every flu and just recently? Chicken Pox. Have you ever seen a middle-aged man with a case of the Pox? Not pretty. And the whining..... oy vey.
And now, just as his spots have started to scab over, he’s come down with a case of pink eye. I think I’m going to start calling him Typhoid Mary. Except I’m afraid he’d really come down with that too.
Speaking of A., you have to feel badly for the poor guy. For whatever reason, that man seems to catch every single disease that goes around daycare. Even diseases that R. herself doesn’t catch! He’s had Hand, Foot and Mouth, Pink Eye, Roseola, every flu and just recently? Chicken Pox. Have you ever seen a middle-aged man with a case of the Pox? Not pretty. And the whining..... oy vey.
And now, just as his spots have started to scab over, he’s come down with a case of pink eye. I think I’m going to start calling him Typhoid Mary. Except I’m afraid he’d really come down with that too.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Air Canada Blows
I hate Air Canada.
I have Aeroplan points. An awful lot of them. Because, like a fool, I believed collecting these points would allow me to travel for free whenever my little heart desired, as long as I planned somewhat in advance. Ha.
Collecting the points is easy. I had my credit card linked to my Aeroplan card, and every dollar I spent gave me an air mile. Cool, eh? Except actually booking a flight is next to impossible unless you book 1.5 years in advance, or you’re trying to fly to Iowa. Lots of available flights to Iowa.
I have been attempting to book a weekend flight to Vegas in September since March. MARCH. I gave these weasels 6 months notice of my plans, and do you think I can book a regular 25,000 point flight? Of course not. However, if I want to book using the “Specialty” flight options, I can pay 121,000 points and get there whenever I want.
Let’s say that again. There ARE seats available. I just have to use almost 5 times the points I *should* have to use in order to get them. Right. Because that makes fiscal sense.
And Air Canada wonders why more and more of us are willing to drive to Buffalo. And they probably also wonder why I cancelled my credit card and got one that just gave me money back instead.
This is why I’m bitchy.
I have Aeroplan points. An awful lot of them. Because, like a fool, I believed collecting these points would allow me to travel for free whenever my little heart desired, as long as I planned somewhat in advance. Ha.
Collecting the points is easy. I had my credit card linked to my Aeroplan card, and every dollar I spent gave me an air mile. Cool, eh? Except actually booking a flight is next to impossible unless you book 1.5 years in advance, or you’re trying to fly to Iowa. Lots of available flights to Iowa.
I have been attempting to book a weekend flight to Vegas in September since March. MARCH. I gave these weasels 6 months notice of my plans, and do you think I can book a regular 25,000 point flight? Of course not. However, if I want to book using the “Specialty” flight options, I can pay 121,000 points and get there whenever I want.
Let’s say that again. There ARE seats available. I just have to use almost 5 times the points I *should* have to use in order to get them. Right. Because that makes fiscal sense.
And Air Canada wonders why more and more of us are willing to drive to Buffalo. And they probably also wonder why I cancelled my credit card and got one that just gave me money back instead.
This is why I’m bitchy.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wedding Fail
It's the August long weekend. Not even arguably the most glorious, revered long weekend of them all - it wins hands down. Historically speaking it's usually hot, sunny and perfect for cottaging, beaching or whatever other fine outdoor activity you can think of that involves water and beer and relaxation.
What I am doing this long weekend you ask? The long weekend that I have been looking forward to since last August? If you guess not going to Beav's cottage, you'd be right (maybe next year Beav!) I'm going to a wedding. A WEDDING. Who the heck plans their wedding on this, the most glorious long weekend of them all? If you guessed people who have lived in Bermuda too damn long, you'd have guessed right. What do they care that this is the only weekend all year long that the planets align perfectly over southern Ontario to produce ultimate cottaging weather? They have amazing weather 365 days a year (excluding hurricanes).
If you're reading this Steve and Sarah, I love you guys I really do. How can you tell? Because I'm coming to your wedding. I am getting all dressed up on this, the most glorious three day weekend known to mankind, and driving to landlocked Kitchener to watch you exchange vows.
All I can say is it better be an open bar
What I am doing this long weekend you ask? The long weekend that I have been looking forward to since last August? If you guess not going to Beav's cottage, you'd be right (maybe next year Beav!) I'm going to a wedding. A WEDDING. Who the heck plans their wedding on this, the most glorious long weekend of them all? If you guessed people who have lived in Bermuda too damn long, you'd have guessed right. What do they care that this is the only weekend all year long that the planets align perfectly over southern Ontario to produce ultimate cottaging weather? They have amazing weather 365 days a year (excluding hurricanes).
If you're reading this Steve and Sarah, I love you guys I really do. How can you tell? Because I'm coming to your wedding. I am getting all dressed up on this, the most glorious three day weekend known to mankind, and driving to landlocked Kitchener to watch you exchange vows.
All I can say is it better be an open bar
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Home Alone
A. will be heading to Sault Ste. Marie in about 20 minutes until Friday, and I'm wondering why my overwhelming feeling regarding this or any impending trip of his (business or othewise) is utter glee. I can't wait! I LOVE being alone at home. Especially those fabulous hours after wee girl has gone to bed.
Life certainly isn't easier with him gone... I have to do daycare drop off and pickup, which is in the opposite direction of work. In addition to my usual tasks of cooking dinner and cleaning and putting wee girl to bed, I have to feed the cats, do the garbage and...ummm....hm. What else does he do around the house? I think that's a rant for another day. But I'm going to contemplate that while I'm HOME ALL ALONE! Yippee!!!! I'll even be working from home tomorrow, in theory because daycare dropoff and pickup and 8 hours work and 2.5 hours of commuting is almost physically impossible, but in reality because I'll have the whole darn house to myself!
Honey, I won't miss you. I'm sure I"ll be glad to have you back, but sorry to say, I won't miss you. Maybe you need to take a week/month/year long trip in order for me to really miss you. Let's talk about that when you return.
xos
Life certainly isn't easier with him gone... I have to do daycare drop off and pickup, which is in the opposite direction of work. In addition to my usual tasks of cooking dinner and cleaning and putting wee girl to bed, I have to feed the cats, do the garbage and...ummm....hm. What else does he do around the house? I think that's a rant for another day. But I'm going to contemplate that while I'm HOME ALL ALONE! Yippee!!!! I'll even be working from home tomorrow, in theory because daycare dropoff and pickup and 8 hours work and 2.5 hours of commuting is almost physically impossible, but in reality because I'll have the whole darn house to myself!
Honey, I won't miss you. I'm sure I"ll be glad to have you back, but sorry to say, I won't miss you. Maybe you need to take a week/month/year long trip in order for me to really miss you. Let's talk about that when you return.
xos
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Happiness
I seem to suffer from a permanent form of insanity called "I'll finally be happy when....".
When I was younger, I thought I could only be happy when I was an adult and could stock 20 different varieties of pop in the fridge (yeah, I dreamed big). Then as a student, I'd thought I'd only be happy when I had graduated and had a good job and could buy the things that I want. Then I got a job and thought I'll be so happy when I have $X in the bank... It's a never-ending cycle. Don't get me wrong, I do love my life, and enjoy myself, but I always seem to be striving for the next level, instead of enjoying the current level. This needs to change.
So starting today..... I will revel in the house I live in. Yeah, it's not exactly what I want, but hell, it's paid for and I at least have painted it in the colours I love. I will revel in my job. It's not my "dream" job, but hey, I love the people, I love the drive, I love the fact that blogging and Facebook are encouraged. I will revel in my family. They are crazy, but they are mine and we love each other. I will revel in my child. OK, I've always done that... she is perfect, after all. I will revel in my husband. He.....um..... hmmmmmm. OK, a woman needs to have something to dream about. And if that happens to be Isiah Mustafa, so be it. Maybe I'll give A. a full-body wax, spray him with Old Spice and close my eyes.
Mmmmmmisiah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE
When I was younger, I thought I could only be happy when I was an adult and could stock 20 different varieties of pop in the fridge (yeah, I dreamed big). Then as a student, I'd thought I'd only be happy when I had graduated and had a good job and could buy the things that I want. Then I got a job and thought I'll be so happy when I have $X in the bank... It's a never-ending cycle. Don't get me wrong, I do love my life, and enjoy myself, but I always seem to be striving for the next level, instead of enjoying the current level. This needs to change.
So starting today..... I will revel in the house I live in. Yeah, it's not exactly what I want, but hell, it's paid for and I at least have painted it in the colours I love. I will revel in my job. It's not my "dream" job, but hey, I love the people, I love the drive, I love the fact that blogging and Facebook are encouraged. I will revel in my family. They are crazy, but they are mine and we love each other. I will revel in my child. OK, I've always done that... she is perfect, after all. I will revel in my husband. He.....um..... hmmmmmm. OK, a woman needs to have something to dream about. And if that happens to be Isiah Mustafa, so be it. Maybe I'll give A. a full-body wax, spray him with Old Spice and close my eyes.
Mmmmmmisiah...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Driving
My job is about 85km from home, but it's travel on mostly all country roads. Really, a pleasant way to start and end your day, if you like driving. Which I do. Traffic is almost unheard of, except for the last ten minutes before I arrive at the office. It's these ten minutes that occasionally make me mental.
Now the first thing you need to understand is I am a magnificent driver. Really. You should be so lucky as to have me driving in front of you. Everyone slower than me is an idiot, everyone faster than me is crazy. I am the epitome of excellence. Cough.
In any event, the one driver that seriously pisses me off the most is that guy you get stuck behind on a two-lane road who loves to do the speed limit. Not that there's anything wrong with that... if you keep a consistent speed, that's fine by me. But he doesn't. When a good passing opportunity presents itself, he speeds up. Makes it trickier to pass him, so it's 50-50 whether you get by. But no problem - there are passing lanes ahead. I'll just wait 'til the passing lane shows up. Oh wait.... his speed is increasing....90 km/h..... 100 km/h.... 110 km/h. Are you kidding me? He makes me get the car up 120 km/h to pass him?
So there we are (because by now I have 4-5 people behind me) and we're all crazily racing to get past this guy who apparently slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching. I make it, as do 2-3 others, but not everyone.... the fortunate ones watch our rearview mirrors in horror as the passing lane ends, and the rest of those poor saps get stuck behind him as he slows back down to 80, now that the threat of anyone else overtaking him has ended.
What's going on in this man's brain? Is he so insecure in his manliness that he cannot abide having anyone pass him? Doesn't he know I am a better driver than him?
Later on this week - why is the first person in the left-hand turn lane always in slow motion when the advanced green flashes??
Now the first thing you need to understand is I am a magnificent driver. Really. You should be so lucky as to have me driving in front of you. Everyone slower than me is an idiot, everyone faster than me is crazy. I am the epitome of excellence. Cough.
In any event, the one driver that seriously pisses me off the most is that guy you get stuck behind on a two-lane road who loves to do the speed limit. Not that there's anything wrong with that... if you keep a consistent speed, that's fine by me. But he doesn't. When a good passing opportunity presents itself, he speeds up. Makes it trickier to pass him, so it's 50-50 whether you get by. But no problem - there are passing lanes ahead. I'll just wait 'til the passing lane shows up. Oh wait.... his speed is increasing....90 km/h..... 100 km/h.... 110 km/h. Are you kidding me? He makes me get the car up 120 km/h to pass him?
So there we are (because by now I have 4-5 people behind me) and we're all crazily racing to get past this guy who apparently slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching. I make it, as do 2-3 others, but not everyone.... the fortunate ones watch our rearview mirrors in horror as the passing lane ends, and the rest of those poor saps get stuck behind him as he slows back down to 80, now that the threat of anyone else overtaking him has ended.
What's going on in this man's brain? Is he so insecure in his manliness that he cannot abide having anyone pass him? Doesn't he know I am a better driver than him?
Later on this week - why is the first person in the left-hand turn lane always in slow motion when the advanced green flashes??
Monday, July 12, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Success Redefined
So the camping trip was a success. R had a blast, running amongst the campsites with all the other kids, playing on the beach, roasting marshmallows over the campfire, sleeping in the tent. But it certainly is different camping with friends AND kids, rather than just friends. How I measure a successful trip has most assuredly changed:
Success With Kids: Waking up dry because your kid managed to not have any accidents in the tent
Success Before Kids: Not waking up wet and covered in dew because you passed out on the picnic table
Success With Kids: Killing a 2-4 over four days
Success Before Kids: Killing a 2-4 the first night
Success With Kids: Ensuring the 4 major food groups (protein, fruits & vegetables, grains, dairy) are represented in each day’s meals
Success Before Kids: Ensuring the 4 major food groups (red meat, beer, potato chips, S’Mores) are represented in each day’s meals
Success With Kids: Packing a cooler with lots of water and juices to ensure proper hydration at the beach
Success Before Kids: Packing a cooler with lots of beer and fruity alcoholic beverages to ensure proper hydration at the beach
Success With Kids: Constant application of sunscreen to keep sensitive skin from burning
Success Before Kids: A quick application of sunscreen in the morning and then complete failure to reapply because “that should be good enough”, resulting in 2nd degree burns that make sleeping in a tent so uncomfortable, you welcome passing out on the picnic table (see above).
Hm. In rereading this list, it actually looks like camping with kids might be the more fun option, in almost every way. Who knew?
Success With Kids: Waking up dry because your kid managed to not have any accidents in the tent
Success Before Kids: Not waking up wet and covered in dew because you passed out on the picnic table
Success With Kids: Killing a 2-4 over four days
Success Before Kids: Killing a 2-4 the first night
Success With Kids: Ensuring the 4 major food groups (protein, fruits & vegetables, grains, dairy) are represented in each day’s meals
Success Before Kids: Ensuring the 4 major food groups (red meat, beer, potato chips, S’Mores) are represented in each day’s meals
Success With Kids: Packing a cooler with lots of water and juices to ensure proper hydration at the beach
Success Before Kids: Packing a cooler with lots of beer and fruity alcoholic beverages to ensure proper hydration at the beach
Success With Kids: Constant application of sunscreen to keep sensitive skin from burning
Success Before Kids: A quick application of sunscreen in the morning and then complete failure to reapply because “that should be good enough”, resulting in 2nd degree burns that make sleeping in a tent so uncomfortable, you welcome passing out on the picnic table (see above).
Hm. In rereading this list, it actually looks like camping with kids might be the more fun option, in almost every way. Who knew?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Summertime Blues
I’m taking my daughter camping next week for 5 days. Well, that’s the plan, anyway. The reality will probably be more like 3 days, 4 at the most. Still, it should be a lot of fun, because in my mind, I’m imaging perfect weather, perfect preparation, perfect neighbours in the campground, and perfect behaviour from R. Hahahahaha. You’d think I’d know by now.
My reality will likely be something like this:
• Leave the house 1.5 hours later than planned.
• Arrive at campground after dark
• Set up tent in dark with tired, whiny child clinging to my legs.
• Lie in tent awake at midnight listening to Metallica coming two sites away (yes, that will be Mark and Howie, and I know we’re there with them, but I don’t really want to HEAR them after 10pm)
• Lie in tent awake at 3:00 am as it rains through a hole in the roof that the mice chewed through while the tent sat unused in my basement for the last 4 years.
• Rain all the next day – site becomes a mud bath. Kids love it. Moms go slowly crazy....
• No campfire as impossible to start in the pouring rain. Make S’Mores over the propane stove in the Kitchen tent (I love site sharing with well-equipped people!)
• More Metallica
• More rain
• More gas-tasting S’mores
• Decide to leave as the weather forecast advises us to start building an ark
• Pack up wet everything, stuff in the trunk
• Have the defrost on the whole way home because the humidity from said wet stuff in the trunk keeps my windows fogged up the whole way
• Pull into the driveway as the sun breaks through the crowds.
Ah, summer. You’re a bitch, but I love you anyway.
My reality will likely be something like this:
• Leave the house 1.5 hours later than planned.
• Arrive at campground after dark
• Set up tent in dark with tired, whiny child clinging to my legs.
• Lie in tent awake at midnight listening to Metallica coming two sites away (yes, that will be Mark and Howie, and I know we’re there with them, but I don’t really want to HEAR them after 10pm)
• Lie in tent awake at 3:00 am as it rains through a hole in the roof that the mice chewed through while the tent sat unused in my basement for the last 4 years.
• Rain all the next day – site becomes a mud bath. Kids love it. Moms go slowly crazy....
• No campfire as impossible to start in the pouring rain. Make S’Mores over the propane stove in the Kitchen tent (I love site sharing with well-equipped people!)
• More Metallica
• More rain
• More gas-tasting S’mores
• Decide to leave as the weather forecast advises us to start building an ark
• Pack up wet everything, stuff in the trunk
• Have the defrost on the whole way home because the humidity from said wet stuff in the trunk keeps my windows fogged up the whole way
• Pull into the driveway as the sun breaks through the crowds.
Ah, summer. You’re a bitch, but I love you anyway.
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Cheapskate
My husband is an intelligent man. A Mechanical Engineer by trade, he's got lots of fancy letters after his name and he generally makes good sense. Unless we're talking about food or money. If we're talking about food AND money - oy!
So he comes up from the basement tonight carrying a tray of chicken thighs and he's mad. "Did you leave these out when you were downstairs getting dinner out of the freezer?" Nope, lucky for me, the chicken I cooked was in the UPSTAIRS freezer. "Damnit. I haven't been downstairs since last weekend. I must have left this chicken out. Do you think it's still good?"
Uhhhhhh pardon? You're kidding right? This chicken (which was in the 50% off bin in the first place, because that's how we roll) has been sitting in the basement unrefrigerated for 6 full days and you're wondering if it's any good? Of course it's not any good!!!
I then proceed to get a lecture on how cooking would likely kill anything bad that might be living in the 6-day-old-room-temperature-chicken and really, I'm being ridiculous.
Alrighty then - knock yourself out buddy. It's all yours. Bon appettite! I'll let you know how that works out for him. God forbid we throw out $5.00 worth of chicken thighs - oops make that $2.50 - it was 50% off after all!
So he comes up from the basement tonight carrying a tray of chicken thighs and he's mad. "Did you leave these out when you were downstairs getting dinner out of the freezer?" Nope, lucky for me, the chicken I cooked was in the UPSTAIRS freezer. "Damnit. I haven't been downstairs since last weekend. I must have left this chicken out. Do you think it's still good?"
Uhhhhhh pardon? You're kidding right? This chicken (which was in the 50% off bin in the first place, because that's how we roll) has been sitting in the basement unrefrigerated for 6 full days and you're wondering if it's any good? Of course it's not any good!!!
I then proceed to get a lecture on how cooking would likely kill anything bad that might be living in the 6-day-old-room-temperature-chicken and really, I'm being ridiculous.
Alrighty then - knock yourself out buddy. It's all yours. Bon appettite! I'll let you know how that works out for him. God forbid we throw out $5.00 worth of chicken thighs - oops make that $2.50 - it was 50% off after all!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Maturity, or lack thereof
Every now and again I get the crazy idea that I have somehow grown over the years, and have matured into a card-carrying adult. Then something happens that proves not only is that not true, it’s not likely to happen any time soon. If ever
A coworker sent me this excellent font set (work alert! Don’t open it if your boss is narrow-minded or you work for HP): http://lookslikegooddesign.com/funny-type-alex-merto/
This has to be one of the most childish things I’ve seen this week. But I laughed. Out loud. Literally. And now I’m sharing it with you.
Does poor R have any hope, with a mother like me?
A coworker sent me this excellent font set (work alert! Don’t open it if your boss is narrow-minded or you work for HP): http://lookslikegooddesign.com/funny-type-alex-merto/
This has to be one of the most childish things I’ve seen this week. But I laughed. Out loud. Literally. And now I’m sharing it with you.
Does poor R have any hope, with a mother like me?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Lazy
It’s Friday, and I have a full weekend of nothing planned....... which is quite a coup in the summer time!
What is it about summer that makes us pack every free moment with something? I don’t even really like summer. It’s too damn hot. Winter, now there’s a season! But call me in February, and invariably I’ll be available, because no one likes making plans when the potential for 25 cm of snow is good.
Back to my weekend o’ nothing. I’m excited. Looking forward to it! Fast-forward to the rest of the month when I’ve got brunch dates, fair dates, swimming dates, etc. Etc. All fun, but not quite the same.
I guess that’s why they call them the lazy days of summer. Just my speed.
What is it about summer that makes us pack every free moment with something? I don’t even really like summer. It’s too damn hot. Winter, now there’s a season! But call me in February, and invariably I’ll be available, because no one likes making plans when the potential for 25 cm of snow is good.
Back to my weekend o’ nothing. I’m excited. Looking forward to it! Fast-forward to the rest of the month when I’ve got brunch dates, fair dates, swimming dates, etc. Etc. All fun, but not quite the same.
I guess that’s why they call them the lazy days of summer. Just my speed.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Men.....
I bet I'm going to have a lot of posts on this topic. After all, what's the cause of most women's bitchiness? Exactly. I rest my case.
In any event, my man, whom I shall refer to as A. to save him the embarassment of showing up in a Google Search attached to this blog at some point in the future, took the day off work today to take my three year old daughter R. to Canada's Wonderland. What a great dad, eh?
We had taken her a few weeks ago as a test-drive for a recent trip to Florida. We wanted to ensure she enjoyed amusement parks before spending the big bucks at Disney. Well, she is her father's daughter for sure... she LOVED the rides, especially the roller coasters - the little-bitty kiddie coasters. You know the ones I mean. Harmless. But I digress.... so he takes her today, and he's sending me sporadic IMs and pictures showing me what a great time they are having. Then I get this text message:
"Just got height caught at a ride".
Ummmmm what? What the heck sort of ride was he trying to take her on that they got "caught"??? I can't believe I am relying on some 16 year old earning mininum wage to ensure my daughter's safety...... except actually I can. Because though he's intelligent and educated and has what often passes as common sense, he's a man. Sorry guys - love you, but it's true.
He's due home any minute. This should be an entertaining conversation.
In any event, my man, whom I shall refer to as A. to save him the embarassment of showing up in a Google Search attached to this blog at some point in the future, took the day off work today to take my three year old daughter R. to Canada's Wonderland. What a great dad, eh?
We had taken her a few weeks ago as a test-drive for a recent trip to Florida. We wanted to ensure she enjoyed amusement parks before spending the big bucks at Disney. Well, she is her father's daughter for sure... she LOVED the rides, especially the roller coasters - the little-bitty kiddie coasters. You know the ones I mean. Harmless. But I digress.... so he takes her today, and he's sending me sporadic IMs and pictures showing me what a great time they are having. Then I get this text message:
"Just got height caught at a ride".
Ummmmm what? What the heck sort of ride was he trying to take her on that they got "caught"??? I can't believe I am relying on some 16 year old earning mininum wage to ensure my daughter's safety...... except actually I can. Because though he's intelligent and educated and has what often passes as common sense, he's a man. Sorry guys - love you, but it's true.
He's due home any minute. This should be an entertaining conversation.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Time to step up?
I'm not really into reality tv. I watched the first couple of seasons of Survivor and The Apprentice, but it's been years since anything has caught my attention enough to want to watch it regularly. Until Wipeout.
I was always a big fan of Spike's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. For those of you not familiar with this glorious piece of programming, it's a Japanese game show with English dubbing. The translations are somewhat suspect because while the Japanese ARE nuts, I don't think they're as profane as this show makes them out to be. In a nutshell: Crazy hosts. Wacky contestants. Ridiculous challenges. Lots of mud. Hilarity ensues.
Imagine my glee (another show I don't watch, but probably should) when a Big American Network announced their new show - Wipeout. Any MXC fan immediately recognized where this gem got ripped off from, and we were all drooling for the premiere. BAN did not disappoint - Wipeout is glorious.
So now Wipeout Canada is auditioning and I'm actually thinking about it. How hard could it be? This could be my 15 minutes of fame.... physical humiliation on national tv. Who wouldn't go for that?? I just need to guarantee that the Big Balls will be part of it. I heart Big Balls.
I was always a big fan of Spike's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. For those of you not familiar with this glorious piece of programming, it's a Japanese game show with English dubbing. The translations are somewhat suspect because while the Japanese ARE nuts, I don't think they're as profane as this show makes them out to be. In a nutshell: Crazy hosts. Wacky contestants. Ridiculous challenges. Lots of mud. Hilarity ensues.
Imagine my glee (another show I don't watch, but probably should) when a Big American Network announced their new show - Wipeout. Any MXC fan immediately recognized where this gem got ripped off from, and we were all drooling for the premiere. BAN did not disappoint - Wipeout is glorious.
So now Wipeout Canada is auditioning and I'm actually thinking about it. How hard could it be? This could be my 15 minutes of fame.... physical humiliation on national tv. Who wouldn't go for that?? I just need to guarantee that the Big Balls will be part of it. I heart Big Balls.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I'm a genius!
Finally, someone has spent the time to prove what I knew all along - grumpy people are better at decision-making: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8339647.stm
This study really has the potential to improve my life in so many ways! Husband thinks I'm being a cow? No honey, just focusing on my menu-planning for the next month. Boss thinks I'm a tad crusty in a meeting? Nope, just plotting out our deliverables for the next few days. Best friend wonders if I'm PMSing? No way - my critique of how you live your life has been well-thought out and rationally detailed, and if you took the time to see things my way, you'd understand that he's just all wrong for you.
I love it. I may have to change the name of this blog to the Rational Canadian.
This study really has the potential to improve my life in so many ways! Husband thinks I'm being a cow? No honey, just focusing on my menu-planning for the next month. Boss thinks I'm a tad crusty in a meeting? Nope, just plotting out our deliverables for the next few days. Best friend wonders if I'm PMSing? No way - my critique of how you live your life has been well-thought out and rationally detailed, and if you took the time to see things my way, you'd understand that he's just all wrong for you.
I love it. I may have to change the name of this blog to the Rational Canadian.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Weasel
Every office has one. You know, that guy who loves to find mistakes that you've made, and bring them to your attention. OK, you're thinking "So? It's good to know when you've missed something". Well yes. It is. But when he copies every. single. person. in. the. office to say "Hey, you forgot to dot your i on page 227 of that 400 page report that you wrote!"? Not so much.
The dilemma here is how do you retaliateImeanrespond? A Reply All stating "Your mother obviously spent too much time smoking crack and not enough time teaching you manners" would be ill-advised. A reply to only him saying the same thing could also potentially be used against you in future performance reviews.
I'm thinking more subversively than that. What about going through every single email you can find in order to follow up on obscure crap that doesn't *really* matter but should be addressed, eventually, and asking hey, why hasn't this been addressed yet? Not copying everyone else on these follow ups just yet, but maybe next week, if a suitable response hasn't been received.
Is that bitchy? Or just fair payback?
The dilemma here is how do you retaliateImeanrespond? A Reply All stating "Your mother obviously spent too much time smoking crack and not enough time teaching you manners" would be ill-advised. A reply to only him saying the same thing could also potentially be used against you in future performance reviews.
I'm thinking more subversively than that. What about going through every single email you can find in order to follow up on obscure crap that doesn't *really* matter but should be addressed, eventually, and asking hey, why hasn't this been addressed yet? Not copying everyone else on these follow ups just yet, but maybe next week, if a suitable response hasn't been received.
Is that bitchy? Or just fair payback?
Welcome
Well, I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I've finally done it. My blog. Here it is.
Naming it was a challenge. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with something witty and clever. The thing is, I'm not really very witty nor very clever - so I went with descriptive. Not too descriptive mind you..... The Freckled, Large-Thighed, Somewhat Wrinkled Canadian just doesn't sound like much fun to read now, does it? Plain ol' Bitchy works. Just ask my husband.
In any event, welcome! I'm hoping to do this as a mixture of current musings as well as past ramblings I have written down, once I've vetted them for accuracy and libel.
Naming it was a challenge. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with something witty and clever. The thing is, I'm not really very witty nor very clever - so I went with descriptive. Not too descriptive mind you..... The Freckled, Large-Thighed, Somewhat Wrinkled Canadian just doesn't sound like much fun to read now, does it? Plain ol' Bitchy works. Just ask my husband.
In any event, welcome! I'm hoping to do this as a mixture of current musings as well as past ramblings I have written down, once I've vetted them for accuracy and libel.
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