I’m taking my daughter camping next week for 5 days. Well, that’s the plan, anyway. The reality will probably be more like 3 days, 4 at the most. Still, it should be a lot of fun, because in my mind, I’m imaging perfect weather, perfect preparation, perfect neighbours in the campground, and perfect behaviour from R. Hahahahaha. You’d think I’d know by now.
My reality will likely be something like this:
• Leave the house 1.5 hours later than planned.
• Arrive at campground after dark
• Set up tent in dark with tired, whiny child clinging to my legs.
• Lie in tent awake at midnight listening to Metallica coming two sites away (yes, that will be Mark and Howie, and I know we’re there with them, but I don’t really want to HEAR them after 10pm)
• Lie in tent awake at 3:00 am as it rains through a hole in the roof that the mice chewed through while the tent sat unused in my basement for the last 4 years.
• Rain all the next day – site becomes a mud bath. Kids love it. Moms go slowly crazy....
• No campfire as impossible to start in the pouring rain. Make S’Mores over the propane stove in the Kitchen tent (I love site sharing with well-equipped people!)
• More Metallica
• More rain
• More gas-tasting S’mores
• Decide to leave as the weather forecast advises us to start building an ark
• Pack up wet everything, stuff in the trunk
• Have the defrost on the whole way home because the humidity from said wet stuff in the trunk keeps my windows fogged up the whole way
• Pull into the driveway as the sun breaks through the crowds.
Ah, summer. You’re a bitch, but I love you anyway.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Cheapskate
My husband is an intelligent man. A Mechanical Engineer by trade, he's got lots of fancy letters after his name and he generally makes good sense. Unless we're talking about food or money. If we're talking about food AND money - oy!
So he comes up from the basement tonight carrying a tray of chicken thighs and he's mad. "Did you leave these out when you were downstairs getting dinner out of the freezer?" Nope, lucky for me, the chicken I cooked was in the UPSTAIRS freezer. "Damnit. I haven't been downstairs since last weekend. I must have left this chicken out. Do you think it's still good?"
Uhhhhhh pardon? You're kidding right? This chicken (which was in the 50% off bin in the first place, because that's how we roll) has been sitting in the basement unrefrigerated for 6 full days and you're wondering if it's any good? Of course it's not any good!!!
I then proceed to get a lecture on how cooking would likely kill anything bad that might be living in the 6-day-old-room-temperature-chicken and really, I'm being ridiculous.
Alrighty then - knock yourself out buddy. It's all yours. Bon appettite! I'll let you know how that works out for him. God forbid we throw out $5.00 worth of chicken thighs - oops make that $2.50 - it was 50% off after all!
So he comes up from the basement tonight carrying a tray of chicken thighs and he's mad. "Did you leave these out when you were downstairs getting dinner out of the freezer?" Nope, lucky for me, the chicken I cooked was in the UPSTAIRS freezer. "Damnit. I haven't been downstairs since last weekend. I must have left this chicken out. Do you think it's still good?"
Uhhhhhh pardon? You're kidding right? This chicken (which was in the 50% off bin in the first place, because that's how we roll) has been sitting in the basement unrefrigerated for 6 full days and you're wondering if it's any good? Of course it's not any good!!!
I then proceed to get a lecture on how cooking would likely kill anything bad that might be living in the 6-day-old-room-temperature-chicken and really, I'm being ridiculous.
Alrighty then - knock yourself out buddy. It's all yours. Bon appettite! I'll let you know how that works out for him. God forbid we throw out $5.00 worth of chicken thighs - oops make that $2.50 - it was 50% off after all!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Maturity, or lack thereof
Every now and again I get the crazy idea that I have somehow grown over the years, and have matured into a card-carrying adult. Then something happens that proves not only is that not true, it’s not likely to happen any time soon. If ever
A coworker sent me this excellent font set (work alert! Don’t open it if your boss is narrow-minded or you work for HP): http://lookslikegooddesign.com/funny-type-alex-merto/
This has to be one of the most childish things I’ve seen this week. But I laughed. Out loud. Literally. And now I’m sharing it with you.
Does poor R have any hope, with a mother like me?
A coworker sent me this excellent font set (work alert! Don’t open it if your boss is narrow-minded or you work for HP): http://lookslikegooddesign.com/funny-type-alex-merto/
This has to be one of the most childish things I’ve seen this week. But I laughed. Out loud. Literally. And now I’m sharing it with you.
Does poor R have any hope, with a mother like me?
Monday, June 14, 2010
Lazy
It’s Friday, and I have a full weekend of nothing planned....... which is quite a coup in the summer time!
What is it about summer that makes us pack every free moment with something? I don’t even really like summer. It’s too damn hot. Winter, now there’s a season! But call me in February, and invariably I’ll be available, because no one likes making plans when the potential for 25 cm of snow is good.
Back to my weekend o’ nothing. I’m excited. Looking forward to it! Fast-forward to the rest of the month when I’ve got brunch dates, fair dates, swimming dates, etc. Etc. All fun, but not quite the same.
I guess that’s why they call them the lazy days of summer. Just my speed.
What is it about summer that makes us pack every free moment with something? I don’t even really like summer. It’s too damn hot. Winter, now there’s a season! But call me in February, and invariably I’ll be available, because no one likes making plans when the potential for 25 cm of snow is good.
Back to my weekend o’ nothing. I’m excited. Looking forward to it! Fast-forward to the rest of the month when I’ve got brunch dates, fair dates, swimming dates, etc. Etc. All fun, but not quite the same.
I guess that’s why they call them the lazy days of summer. Just my speed.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Men.....
I bet I'm going to have a lot of posts on this topic. After all, what's the cause of most women's bitchiness? Exactly. I rest my case.
In any event, my man, whom I shall refer to as A. to save him the embarassment of showing up in a Google Search attached to this blog at some point in the future, took the day off work today to take my three year old daughter R. to Canada's Wonderland. What a great dad, eh?
We had taken her a few weeks ago as a test-drive for a recent trip to Florida. We wanted to ensure she enjoyed amusement parks before spending the big bucks at Disney. Well, she is her father's daughter for sure... she LOVED the rides, especially the roller coasters - the little-bitty kiddie coasters. You know the ones I mean. Harmless. But I digress.... so he takes her today, and he's sending me sporadic IMs and pictures showing me what a great time they are having. Then I get this text message:
"Just got height caught at a ride".
Ummmmm what? What the heck sort of ride was he trying to take her on that they got "caught"??? I can't believe I am relying on some 16 year old earning mininum wage to ensure my daughter's safety...... except actually I can. Because though he's intelligent and educated and has what often passes as common sense, he's a man. Sorry guys - love you, but it's true.
He's due home any minute. This should be an entertaining conversation.
In any event, my man, whom I shall refer to as A. to save him the embarassment of showing up in a Google Search attached to this blog at some point in the future, took the day off work today to take my three year old daughter R. to Canada's Wonderland. What a great dad, eh?
We had taken her a few weeks ago as a test-drive for a recent trip to Florida. We wanted to ensure she enjoyed amusement parks before spending the big bucks at Disney. Well, she is her father's daughter for sure... she LOVED the rides, especially the roller coasters - the little-bitty kiddie coasters. You know the ones I mean. Harmless. But I digress.... so he takes her today, and he's sending me sporadic IMs and pictures showing me what a great time they are having. Then I get this text message:
"Just got height caught at a ride".
Ummmmm what? What the heck sort of ride was he trying to take her on that they got "caught"??? I can't believe I am relying on some 16 year old earning mininum wage to ensure my daughter's safety...... except actually I can. Because though he's intelligent and educated and has what often passes as common sense, he's a man. Sorry guys - love you, but it's true.
He's due home any minute. This should be an entertaining conversation.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Time to step up?
I'm not really into reality tv. I watched the first couple of seasons of Survivor and The Apprentice, but it's been years since anything has caught my attention enough to want to watch it regularly. Until Wipeout.
I was always a big fan of Spike's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. For those of you not familiar with this glorious piece of programming, it's a Japanese game show with English dubbing. The translations are somewhat suspect because while the Japanese ARE nuts, I don't think they're as profane as this show makes them out to be. In a nutshell: Crazy hosts. Wacky contestants. Ridiculous challenges. Lots of mud. Hilarity ensues.
Imagine my glee (another show I don't watch, but probably should) when a Big American Network announced their new show - Wipeout. Any MXC fan immediately recognized where this gem got ripped off from, and we were all drooling for the premiere. BAN did not disappoint - Wipeout is glorious.
So now Wipeout Canada is auditioning and I'm actually thinking about it. How hard could it be? This could be my 15 minutes of fame.... physical humiliation on national tv. Who wouldn't go for that?? I just need to guarantee that the Big Balls will be part of it. I heart Big Balls.
I was always a big fan of Spike's Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. For those of you not familiar with this glorious piece of programming, it's a Japanese game show with English dubbing. The translations are somewhat suspect because while the Japanese ARE nuts, I don't think they're as profane as this show makes them out to be. In a nutshell: Crazy hosts. Wacky contestants. Ridiculous challenges. Lots of mud. Hilarity ensues.
Imagine my glee (another show I don't watch, but probably should) when a Big American Network announced their new show - Wipeout. Any MXC fan immediately recognized where this gem got ripped off from, and we were all drooling for the premiere. BAN did not disappoint - Wipeout is glorious.
So now Wipeout Canada is auditioning and I'm actually thinking about it. How hard could it be? This could be my 15 minutes of fame.... physical humiliation on national tv. Who wouldn't go for that?? I just need to guarantee that the Big Balls will be part of it. I heart Big Balls.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
I'm a genius!
Finally, someone has spent the time to prove what I knew all along - grumpy people are better at decision-making: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8339647.stm
This study really has the potential to improve my life in so many ways! Husband thinks I'm being a cow? No honey, just focusing on my menu-planning for the next month. Boss thinks I'm a tad crusty in a meeting? Nope, just plotting out our deliverables for the next few days. Best friend wonders if I'm PMSing? No way - my critique of how you live your life has been well-thought out and rationally detailed, and if you took the time to see things my way, you'd understand that he's just all wrong for you.
I love it. I may have to change the name of this blog to the Rational Canadian.
This study really has the potential to improve my life in so many ways! Husband thinks I'm being a cow? No honey, just focusing on my menu-planning for the next month. Boss thinks I'm a tad crusty in a meeting? Nope, just plotting out our deliverables for the next few days. Best friend wonders if I'm PMSing? No way - my critique of how you live your life has been well-thought out and rationally detailed, and if you took the time to see things my way, you'd understand that he's just all wrong for you.
I love it. I may have to change the name of this blog to the Rational Canadian.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Weasel
Every office has one. You know, that guy who loves to find mistakes that you've made, and bring them to your attention. OK, you're thinking "So? It's good to know when you've missed something". Well yes. It is. But when he copies every. single. person. in. the. office to say "Hey, you forgot to dot your i on page 227 of that 400 page report that you wrote!"? Not so much.
The dilemma here is how do you retaliateImeanrespond? A Reply All stating "Your mother obviously spent too much time smoking crack and not enough time teaching you manners" would be ill-advised. A reply to only him saying the same thing could also potentially be used against you in future performance reviews.
I'm thinking more subversively than that. What about going through every single email you can find in order to follow up on obscure crap that doesn't *really* matter but should be addressed, eventually, and asking hey, why hasn't this been addressed yet? Not copying everyone else on these follow ups just yet, but maybe next week, if a suitable response hasn't been received.
Is that bitchy? Or just fair payback?
The dilemma here is how do you retaliateImeanrespond? A Reply All stating "Your mother obviously spent too much time smoking crack and not enough time teaching you manners" would be ill-advised. A reply to only him saying the same thing could also potentially be used against you in future performance reviews.
I'm thinking more subversively than that. What about going through every single email you can find in order to follow up on obscure crap that doesn't *really* matter but should be addressed, eventually, and asking hey, why hasn't this been addressed yet? Not copying everyone else on these follow ups just yet, but maybe next week, if a suitable response hasn't been received.
Is that bitchy? Or just fair payback?
Welcome
Well, I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I've finally done it. My blog. Here it is.
Naming it was a challenge. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with something witty and clever. The thing is, I'm not really very witty nor very clever - so I went with descriptive. Not too descriptive mind you..... The Freckled, Large-Thighed, Somewhat Wrinkled Canadian just doesn't sound like much fun to read now, does it? Plain ol' Bitchy works. Just ask my husband.
In any event, welcome! I'm hoping to do this as a mixture of current musings as well as past ramblings I have written down, once I've vetted them for accuracy and libel.
Naming it was a challenge. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with something witty and clever. The thing is, I'm not really very witty nor very clever - so I went with descriptive. Not too descriptive mind you..... The Freckled, Large-Thighed, Somewhat Wrinkled Canadian just doesn't sound like much fun to read now, does it? Plain ol' Bitchy works. Just ask my husband.
In any event, welcome! I'm hoping to do this as a mixture of current musings as well as past ramblings I have written down, once I've vetted them for accuracy and libel.
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